From North Star to Next Step

Hello you,

I’ve been sitting with something that keeps coming up in conversations during client sessions lately. Below is what I have collated from my own experience and the wonderful coaching community I get to work with. I have also created a free resource for you. I’ll send it out to anyone on my free email list this week.

Most people I work with are moving through a transition of one kind or another. At the beginning of any big life shift, it’s common to feel stuck, or a little unsure of what it is you actually want, even when you know you need something to change. Once you’ve established what you do want, the energy completely changes. Building clarity around what you want, adding colour to the picture, helps you to feel it. You can really imagine a version of your life that feels more spacious, more honest, more like you.

Sometimes, at this point comes the overwhelm. A feeling of decision fatigue and just too many options. Too many possible directions. And underneath that, a thought that sounds something like, ‘maybe I should just go back to what I know…’ This is your nervous system wanting familiarity to keep you safe-a totally understandable response but not needed here! Familiarity doesn’t mean good/happier/safer, it just means predictable.

It’s not the vision that feels difficult. It’s the gap.

And it makes sense that this part feels so unfamiliar.

Up until we become adults, most of our lives are structured for us. We move through school years without needing to make decisions about what comes next. There are clear stages, clear expectations, and clear transitions. Exams lead to the next step. School leads to college, an apprenticeship, further education, or a job. We move from one container into another.

Then, at some point, that structure falls away and we’re left to create it for ourselves.

Suddenly not having ‘rules’ to follow can be unsettling. (For some this is why retirement can be a difficult transition). So we try to rebuild that sense of structure externally. We look for the next box to tick, the next milestone to validate that we’re on the right path. We measure ourselves against timelines, achievements, or what others are doing.

And this is where we need to be mindful. Because the path you’re creating now isn’t something that already exists. It’s something you’re learning how to shape.

What I mean by a North Star

When I talk about a North Star with clients, I’m not talking about a rigid goal or something that needs to be achieved in a fixed or linear way.

It’s the bigger direction you’re moving towards. Often something that sits a few years ahead of you. Three years, five years, sometimes longer. It holds the shape of the life you want to build, but it doesn’t tell you exactly how to get there.

For one person, that might be building a business that feels more aligned. For another, it might be creating a different kind of home life, finding a partner, recovering from illness or stepping into work that feels more meaningful.

Note: Although I’m talking about the North Star as if it’s an external goal or environment, I have to include this here; this is ultimately about who you are becoming. Not just what you are doing, but who you are being.

Take a minute to answer these questions:

1. Who do you want to be in your days? 

2. How do you want to feel as you move through them? 

3. And how will you recognise that you’re getting closer to that?

Because of that, the journey towards your North Star isn’t just a means to an end. It is your life! It’s the process of slowly evolving into the person you already feel you are, somewhere underneath the noise. Sometimes it can feel exciting and slightly out of reach or just plain terrifying at the same time.

There’s a moment that tends to follow the initial rush of excitement. You start questioning whether you’re doing the right things. You look at your routines, your decisions, the way your time is being spent, and it feels slightly disconnected from where you say you’re heading.

It can feel hard to trust your direction when your life doesn’t seem to reflect it yet.

Why you need something in between

If you have the vision, but nothing connecting it to your current reality, everything feels either too big to act on, or too small to matter.

What helps is introducing something in between the two.

A pathway.

A way of breaking that bigger direction into smaller chapters, milestones, and waypoints that you can actually relate to now and to give yourself something to move with.

A practical example

One client I’m working with has a clear North Star.(thank you for allowing me to share this in this newsletter!)

She is working as a counsellor and wants to create a charitable organisation with a friend. A space to run sessions, build community, offer free services and support families through challenges she has seen first-hand. She wants to feel aligned with her work and confident in what she offers.

That’s the direction, roughly three years from now.

When we looked at where she is today, a few things needed to come first: qualifications, experience, financial stability, and a community around her work.

She also already has a job that she wants to keep. The intention isn’t to drop everything and jump. It’s to slowly reduce her hours over time so that the charity can become a bigger part of her life.

So we mapped a simple sequence.

Year 1 (foundations):

• Complete key training and accreditation

• Run 3–4 small donation-based or free in-person events with her friend

• Start sharing her learning online

• Towards the end of the year, reduce her hours in her current job so she can create more time to focus on building the charity

Year 2 (visibility and structure):

• Research and find funding opportunities and begin to apply

• Set up the charity

• Develop her offer, branding, and website

• Continue building community and partnerships

Year 3 (build):

• Secure funding and build a budget for the first year

• Find a suitable location

• Reach out to local businesses for support, advertising and collaborations

• Begin shaping the physical space

Nothing here is fixed. It can shift. But it gives her a clear sense of what comes next.

Next, we brought Year 1 closer.

Monthly: she attends one local event or volunteers where she knows she might meet people already working in that space. Sometimes nothing comes from it, sometimes she has one useful conversation, but over time she’s starting to recognise faces and feel part of that world.

Weekly:

• She sets aside at least 2 hours to study

• She takes something she’s learned and turns it into a short blog or post, which she shares online

This is helping her build confidence and also build a community at the same time.

Daily:

• She brings her coffee and lunch from home instead of buying them out. The money she saves goes into what she calls her “North Star account” (It works out at roughly £15–£20 a week. Which doesn’t feel like much in the moment, but over a month that’s around £60–£80. That’s been enough for things like buying her website domain, paying for basic software, and covering the cost of printing flyers for their first events!)

• She consciously takes on counseling clients who have varied experiences and specific challenges, so that she can broaden her knowledge and experience.

• She seeks out mentorship from her more experienced colleagues in order to learn from them.

The daily and weekly steps will evolve as the next milestone gets closer. For example, sometimes her study time may be replaced by admin tasks where she dedicates the those hours to researching funding opportunities or the legal requirements etc for setting up her charity. The time she spends writing blog posts may be replaced by a survey to local families about what they need and are seeking, in order to help her hone her offer and serve the people she wants to serve in the best way possible. 

The key with the North Star to next steps is that it’s consistent. And over time, that consistency is what’s moving her forwards in the right direction.

She’s not just daydreaming about her North Star anymore. She’s in it, in a small way, every day.

The path is not straight

Even when you map things out, it will not unfold neatly.
There will be moments where things move faster than expected, and others where everything feels like it has slowed right down.

You might change direction slightly. You might realise something you thought you wanted no longer fits. You might take what looks like a detour, and only later see how useful it was.

This is all part of it.

The milestones are not there to control the journey.
They’re there to keep you oriented.

Like setting a destination on a sat-nav. You still take turns, you might reroute, there may be diversions, roadblocks, sheep in the road (for those of you who really go out to the sticks!). You might stop along the way, but you have something guiding the overall direction.

Another key thing here is that these little detours are life. Your journey should also involve stop-offs and the scenic route, to enjoy a dip in a fresh lake, to take in the view from the top of a mountain, or perhaps a lovely pause to take a holiday with your family and friends.

Life isn’t trimmed down by having a North Star, it is expanded. You know you’ll get there. You trust you’re on the path, so there’s no pushing and urgency. Simply moving forwards, as the star pulls you towards it, shining brighter and brighter as you approach, lighting up all areas of your life. 

For more help with breaking things down, this article might help you to get to the nitty-gritty details and help you to get started and clear away any obstacles.

As my excellent friend Christine always says: “Dreams are meant to be lived.” Better start living them now then…

With love and courage, 

If you’d like to explore this along with me, get in touch for a chat. Find out more about my coaching offerings here.

P.S. Reply to this email or DM me on Instagram with how you’re getting on and what you found helpful. It helps me create resources and offerings which are useful and practical. Thank you!

Free resources for you

If you want to dive deeper on your own, here are a few of the most popular free resources used by this community.

Well hello you,

You’ve got the vision.
Now give it a timeline and take the first step today.

Break it down.
Plan it out.
Do one thing today.

▶️ See it, believe it, do it; press play. 🎧